Breaky Breaky

Do you know something that is ever weaker than our heart? It is the resolve to leave our heart out of some matters. Meddling kids would know better to not let emotions flow, because everyone has had their share of kick in the gut. But alas, we are stuck in this limbo of indecisiveness. Heartbreak, people! That is what I am talking about. For those who never had it, they must at least once feel it, because you never know if it is the last time when you get to actually live.

There was a time when I was begging for a heart. Things were so static and boring that I never thought I would make it into wallow central. A few milligrams of love hormones later, I begged to take that wish back. After thousands of hours of thinking it over, there I was, back to square one. And then I realised the whole beauty of the situation. We are meant to be in this state of disorder and uncertainty. After fighting for stability all our lives, there is one thing we always need to pull us up from our cozy bed and take us off to an adventure. Who does not like an affair? An insecure relationship? When all is not definite, the forbidden fruit smells all the more sweet.

If you fell for the above lines of sympathy, I would laugh at you harder than I laughed at me when I tried to fool myself. Words; that is all these are. No amount of writing and late night alone-time can make it go away. The longing stays for too long. And on the rare cases that you are lucky, it stays forever.

Powerful Illusion

Power. That single five lettered word can get you hard or crack your ribs, depending on which side of it you’re on. Somebody told me it isn’t the best thing in the world, but that certainly doesn’t make it any less desirable. The world runs on its mercy. If you don’t have it, lots of girls would rather have a puppy than have you. And this is what the end of the world looks like. People are so blinded by the desire to feel accepted; that all you need to show them is the illusion of power.

Everyone can’t have the real thing, there is too little of it in this world. But instead, what they can do is get people thinking that the thieves are the real owners. Hell even Bruce Wayne wants some nice shiny vinyl on his Bat Mobile before he takes it for a spin; because he knows exactly the things that attract middle aged superhero fans. Give it a whip, sparkle it up, get some shiny clothes and expensive shoes, some makeup and you are on your way to stardom. Sounds shallow? Careful what you say there because everyone does the exact thing every time looking for things new (and shiny).

Talk about irony, this piece is a perfect example. I could have written it with more substance and less bling. But then, I would have had research scholars with their thesis probes instead of a cooler and less geeky audience. Did I dish out more information? Probably not. Did I dish out something effective? Maybe. At the end, what finds its way is what lasts. Nobody gets to judge, because nobody can.

Victory

“Yes, at last, victory is mine.”

Funny how I have said that a hundred times but even then, life seems such a failure at times. Doesn’t victory mean that you have won, undisputedly and eternally? Well not so. Seven hours into my most recent conquest, I still could not help but bask in the glory (read illusion) of my greatness.

When I dug a bit deeper into my psyche, I realised that it felt familiar. Stopping made me feel, that the thought of victory puts me on the same loop of pursuit. The repeat button was turned on, doing the same things all over again.

Nothing is cozier than to be in a bubble of success. For us, anything is better than failure, even if it means being on a treadmill all our life. Whatever kind it may be, we find a sense of purpose in victory – It completes, makes others like us, and makes us indispensable. We find the answer to our existence in it. We choose to do what is familiar- go to the same shops, eat out at the same diner or stay with the same person.

For a hurt ego, second conquests are a great escape. Not good for somebody aspiring to lead. The prize is not for the optimist or the pessimist, a realist has a good chance at it. Reliving shows us our inner pessimist; with an attempt at the optimist while sarcasm smiles from somewhere out of sight. There is sarcasm if you want to see. You do it to tell yourself that you’re finally capable; you hope you remain so, but instead you prove that you are scared of failure.

Bullied

Being bullied is not funny, not for me. In spite of all the stories that everybody has heard, male ego is not something that can be put down in words. Subconsciously all they want is to be the alpha, to prove their superiority to themselves. And when situations compel, they do so in such ways that you cannot escape or work out a solution. All words look stupid then, and hours later. The thought of facing the same things again upsets even more.

You stay up for hours plotting revenge, finding a way to not be a part of it in future. But the situation rarely is the same again, and you are sucked in once more. Some guys have lesser luck. Maybe they are the ones that are supposed to be extinct by the laws of Darwin, but are saved by the government. Nobody cares about what really happened. The fact that it happened is enough. Recovery is not easy. For a day or two, the entire world changes. Friends seem to be mocking you behind your back and that hint of sarcasm is always visible in their word, but it is never actually there.

 “Only thing left to do is to fight back”.

Ah! so many of us have heard that tone, it always works in movies. But the hero has to win. In real life, it is all the more difficult after you fight back. Bullies have a constant need to fuel their ego, and it hurts their feeble ego even more. If you do not have friends yet, it is not a good time. Because before you know it, there will be omnipresent war. Their friends become your enemies. And you will be too scared to go talk to someone that is even slightly close to him. And all the stories you had heard about the weird guy with whom nobody talks to, they become your stories. Scary isn’t it? Well that is how real life is. You finally escape when you get to be the alpha. Then you can go bully somebody else. If you cannot, you can only run or hide.